Next time you are on your way home from work there are a few things you might like to consider when you get to the sharp bend in the road where the railway crossing is.

Firstly, it’s probably a good idea to finish your telephone conversation before you get in the car so you haven’t only got one hand left to steer with, eat snacks or check the size of your appendage at regular intervals as I’m assuming you have to if no one has looked admiringly at your car for a few minutes.

Secondly, try the brakes. I’m told that even Audis have them although I’ve yet to see much evidence to back up that claim.  A little pressure on that often forgotten pedal can make so much difference as you approach a corner, it might even give you time to see what is coming in the other direction. It may come as a surprise to you, but there are other users on the road and on small village roads there are often peasants too, these are actually known to non audi drivers as pedestrians but I’m not going to split hairs over vocabulary right now.

Thirdly, if against all odds you actually see one of those peasants, battling against the wind and rain, halfway across the railway crossing with a rather upset dog, you could stop and let her get safely to the other side instead of forcing her to move over and then racing through one of the lake like puddles that gather in Pantyffynnon after a day of non stop rain, managing to create an amazingly forceful jet of water that will find it’s way into even the most well sealed waterproof coat, soaking her neck and then proceeding down her back.

Whilst I did briefly consider that you may have been rushing to the hospital to spend a last few minutes with your dying grandmother, or speeding to get home because your wife has gone into labour I quickly concluded that you are most likely just an inconsiderate dick. And whilst tomorrow I may laugh about how comical the water incident must have looked to any passers by, tonight will be spent tracking down your car and cursing for family for the next three generations :p


I would like to say that in reality I am not audi-ist, in fact some of my closest friends are audi drivers and whilst the facts in the above post are correct the wordy padding around them is intended for entertainment purposes only. Yesterday evening was spent innocently drinking tea and watching films rather than cursing someone’s family


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